You struggle against the entropy that wants you to stay put. You feel the weight of expectations. Your hope is not always intact, and sometimes you lose sight of it altogether. A lot of your time is eaten up by trivia or unavoidable responsibilities. Survival, the common struggle of all living beings, brings out the monsters and the angels. A moment of inattention can unwind a life.
There must be more than this, you think. This apparently haphazard existence of grinding toil. This unrequited lust for some ineffable truth or liberation. Urges inside propel you, but where you cannot say. You react out of childhood conditioning, yet know there must be a better way.
You keep trying to leave the past behind, but it’s in your veins and can’t be shed. You work to improve your habits. You read. You think. You learn. You engage your talents. You impose upon yourself. And still the everydayness of life drones on. The drumbeat of the mundane lulls you, wants you to sleep, to conform. Sorrow invites you to be her constant companion. Anger slaps your face and taunts you to lash out at these absurdities.
Then comes a moment, a crack in your world. Light bursts through a fissure, electrifies your intuition. You suddenly see the whole, where before you only glimpsed a fragment. You are ablaze. Inspiration comes to you. You see the bigger picture, if only for a few instants. Behold the river of joy running through your life! Glimpse the tenderness of its unrelenting challenges, for these are the engines of your evolution. In this flash you grasp that all your striving is purposeful—even in what feels like stupefying, robotic routine. You must sleep if you are to awaken, and this is why you’re here.
The moment passes, but the taste of joy lingers. The light that momentarily filled you reduces to a small flame, a tiny pilot light. It will ignite again, to power the mighty furnace in which you are forging yourself.